I was recently listening to Jocko Willink’s Jocko Underground podcast, and he read a question from a listener who asked how to manage his “low-level anxiety” around parenting. The German man who posed the question suggested that he lived with a subtle but ever-present fear that something terrible would happen to his children: sickness, injury, and the like.
Jocko’s response, as per the usual arrangement, was insightful. Willink discussed the nature of parenting and that some level of anxiety is healthy. Then, he began to highlight something I want to discuss in more detail: the idea of inherent risk vs. potential reward. To do so, I want to dovetail this into my morning reading of Nehemiah, focusing on hidden leadership gems.
Nehemiah 2:2-4, LSB
2 So the king said to me, “Why is your face sad though you are not sick? This is nothing but sadness of heart.” Then I was very much afraid.3 I said to the king, “Let the king live forever. Why should my face not be sad when the city, the place of my fathers’ tombs, lies waste and its gates have been consumed by fire?”
4 Then the king said to me, “What would you request?” So I prayed to the God of heaven.
Undoubtedly, I could highlight Nehemiah’s brief prayer before making his request known to the king and his commitment and fidelity to the “God of Heaven.” I could certainly use my exegetical skills to decipher where this chapter fits into the broader framework of the book or even the Old Testament. Instead, I would like to underscore Nehemiah’s fear. It’ll all make sense in a moment – trust me.
The parent who posed their question to Jocko was experiencing the fear and anxiety that stands before any parent, leader, mentor, or coach: the fear of failure, hurt, or worse – and those fears are not entirely unfounded. A late-August 2022 Gallup poll cited that 44% of U.S. parents with children in K -12 feared for the physical safety of their children at school (Brenan, 2022). A poll, taken just three months later in Brussels, saw 55% of parents cite online safety as their top concern (News, 2024).
A study published in Pediatrics (Bakhos et al., 2010) analyzed NEISS data on concussion-related emergency department (ED) visits among children aged 8 to 19 from 2001 to 2005. It found an estimated 502,000 ED visits, with about half being sports-related. Notably, ED visits for concussions in organized team sports doubled for children aged 8 to 13 and increased by over 200% for those aged 14 to 19 from 1997 to 2007, despite declining participation. These findings highlight a rising concern for youth sports safety, emphasizing the need for better awareness and preventive measures. As you can see, the man’s concerns are legitimate.
So, what about Nehemiah? Were his concerns legitimate? In his commentary on the passage, H.G.M. Williamson suggests they were genuine. While I generally shy away from the commentary of others, Williamson accentuates that anxiety, noting that coming before the king with a troubled face could result in danger. However, Williamson also suggests that the presence of wine and the queen indicate that Nehemiah was likely particular in the timing of his appearance before the king with a troubled and heavy heart and the request itself.
If indeed, as suggested by this commentator, the timing of Nehemiah’s request coincided with a time of celebration, which constituted the presence of wine and the queen, Nehemiah would have made a calculated move in approaching the king during a time of festivity and favor. Trusting God to keep him safe, Nehemiah selected the right time to balance risk and reward by trusting God to keep him safe. He wanted to pursue the rebuilding of the temple and knew the king could put him in a favorable position in terms of authority and resources.
Nehemiah saw the risk: his anxiety was warranted. Yet, he understood that if he wanted something great, even extraordinary, he had to sacrifice some level of safety to achieve it. That did not mean he would carelessly complain to the king. Instead, Nehemiah would be as wise as a serpent but harmless as a dove in the timing and execution of his task—even going beyond the permission given by the king to ask for papers to claim wood from the forests to rebuild.
So, in the case of this father, whose fears are warranted, what reward would his children miss out on if he guarded them from all danger and risk, rather than taking a calculated assessment of each situation and preparing them for the task at hand? Better still, what about you? Where are you allowing the anxiety and fear of risk to hinder your potential reward? Yes, we can see the other side of the story: failure, injury, or death. The statistics cited explain that things do not always work in our favor, even with the proper risk assessment. However, to pursue the life and calling placed on us by God, by His gift-giving hand, we must incur some level of risk.
As a leader, your role is not just to take ownership (as noted in my previous article) but also to assess risk versus reward and to be wise in the timing of our approach. This doesn’t mean seeking “perfect timing” because that doesn’t exist. It’s about doing our best with the information we have available at a timing that helps us achieve our goals. As you lead yourself and others, ensure that the fear and anxiety of risk do not become the anchor that prevents you from making forward progress. Trust God, learn to assess risk, weigh your timing, and take action. #MoveWithPurpose
References
Bakhos, L. L., Lockhart, G. R., Myers, R., & Linakis, J. G. (2010). Emergency department visits for concussion in young child athletes. Pediatrics, 126(3), e550-556. https://doi.org/10.1542/peds.2009-3101
Brenan, M. (2022). Parent, student school safety concerns elevated. https://news.gallup.com/poll/399680/parent-student-school-safety-concerns-elevated.aspx
News, E. (2024). New survey data: Parents’ fear for children’s online safety ranks higher than physical and mental health concerns. ECPAT. https://ecpat.org/new-survey-data-parents-fears-for-childrens-online-safety-ranks-higher-than-physical-and-mental-health-concerns/